Culture Made Stupid (Cvltvre Made Stvpid) by Tom Weller

By Tom Weller

A inaccurate travel of Literature, advantageous and Dandy Arts, and the Subhumanities.

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Additional info for Culture Made Stupid (Cvltvre Made Stvpid)

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Indd 42 3/5/10 1:22:10 PM Want to know what makes the “special” milk so “special”? Pot. Want to know what makes the “special” buys so “special”? Unicorn kisses. indd 43 3/5/10 1:22:12 PM Or whatever. indd 44 3/5/10 1:22:13 PM Don’t tell the raspberries how obvious it is that English is their second language. They would be so embarrassed. “Florida” is the nickname of the person who grew these oranges. indd 45 3/5/10 1:22:15 PM Don’t let the sign fool you— these sunglasses are totally square. If by “Girl Scout” you mean “Boy Scout,” and by “Cookies” you mean “magazine subscriptions,” then yes.

Indd 53 3/5/10 1:22:23 PM Anything you blow on is on sale. “Hot Buy” is just a colloquial term—Krystal Kleer Summer Formula is usually served cold. Like gazpacho. indd 54 3/5/10 1:22:26 PM A “final” sale is one that might arbitrarily be eligible for a refund. indd 55 3/5/10 1:22:26 PM Even in the store, the use of quotation marks has been known to defy explanation from time to time. indd 56 3/5/10 1:22:27 PM The worms are here in the store, not here in these soda cans. That would be a real can of .

Indd 63 3/5/10 1:22:35 PM The waiters will pretend to be frazzled when they finally get to your table. indd 64 3/5/10 1:22:37 PM There is no such thing as free chips. indd 65 3/5/10 1:22:38 PM Here, you get to create another customer’s salad. Let’s write a word that has something to do with the Internet. “Online” seems good enough.

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